In completely unrelated news, I dreamed of Lost last night

I am so conflicted right now. I don't even know where to start or what the root of my conflicted feelings are.

Okay, first things first.

I told my mom I was thinking of maybe joining the army. I said it very much expecting her to say something like "Don't be silly." But no, she completely took me by surprise and told me that she too had once thought about joining the army. o.o Okay, to me, my parents seemed kind of against joining the army. My whole life, I had gotten that vibe from them. So I was kind of shocked. And happy that she understood why I wanted to join.

Then there's my dad. Oh, god. He's really not into that. When I first told him, he was all "What? Since when did you want to join? What is it you want from the army?" I shocked him that time. I get why. I've always been the quiet, bookish type. Shy, and stay-at-home kinda girl.

That's just it, though. I really hate of living the rest of my life without a little adventure. I want to have a story to tell my grandkids, a life worth remembering. I want to make an impact, a difference. I'm aware it makes me sound like a glory-loving fool, but I'm serious. I don't like what my life is like right now.

Here's where the complication comes in. Living the life I want doesn't necessarily have to involve joining the army. It could be traveling the world, or becoming a paranormal investigator, or maybe an archaeologist. I'm dead fucking serious. I could join a band of gypsies and spend my life reading people's fortunes. I just need to do something. I'm going insane in this tiny life. I want something big and radically different than what I'm used to. So, yeah, I have a lot of options.

I feel that joining the army is best, though. Not only is it big and different, but it'll make me strong, physically and mentally. I really want that. I feel like if I don't join, I'll regret it in the future. The army to me means camaraderie and new found courage, two things I lack horribly.

HOWEVER. I'm also terrified of changing my life. Doing something new will take a lot of courage. Yep, I'm borderline agoraphobic. Something needs to push me towards change. (God, I'm terrified of what'll happen now that that's gotten out into the open. Last time I wished for something life-changing to happen to me, my mom got cancer. So, universe, God, whomever is out there, JUST DON'T BE A DICK ABOUT IT. kthx.)

Gahhhhh, bored.

Wow, I'm bored. D: Not even the internet is entertaining today. :( It's always the same things I click. Youtube, email, Facebook, deviantArt, over and over and OVER again. I occasionally throw in Amazon and add more shit to my wishlist. I just have nothing else to do really. I'm having a bit of an art block-ish thing. Maybe I'm just lazy and I don't want to do anything. Maybe it's the fact that I started my period. Whoa, actually, that would explain a lot. -__-

Hung out with a friend today, after a lot of "...weeeell, I think I can hang out..." on her part. I felt very ambivalent about going after that. But we ended up going to this sandcastle competition at the beach. There were so many people there, it was so uncomfortable. Then after an hour she had to go back home.

Sadly, I think we're going to drift apart. I'm not being pessimistic, just honest. It's happened a lot to me in my life, y'know, fair-weather friends, and now I just kind of expect it. Still, I'm hurt. Can't seem to avoid that.

It's happened so much, I'm starting to think it's not them, it's me. That hurts more.

Stuffness

Haven't posted much this July... been kinda busy with art.

Not much to say, except that my life is pretty boring. I am seriously looking forward to hanging out with my friends this weekend. I just hope they don't cancel, it's happened more than once lately.  Feeling a bit bleh today.

Harry Potter = Excellence

I have now watched Harry Potter 7 part 2 twice. TWICE THE EPICNESS. Aaaah, seriously, it was the best ending to the films. I got all teary-eyed at the Snape Pensieve part. ~*~Snape X Lily~*~ Also, the 19 Years Later part. Yeah, they didn't look nearly old enough, but it was still a pretty great scene. ;_;

I did my nails just for Harry Potter!

Not my original idea, BTW.


Ah, all of this Harry Potter excitement makes me want to re-watch all the movies and re-read all the books.

Sedona, Arizona

On the way to Sedona, we stopped at our old house in Tucson. This park was my childhood.

Drawing in the car.

I love this place. Reminds me of the good ol days.

Ink spill of doom. Pissed me off.

Finally bought a cloche hat. I just have to have the occasion to wear it.

Bell Rock, Sedona.

Teeny tiny praying mantis.

Tlaquepaque in Sedona.

Creepy-ass motherfuckers.

New hiking boots. :D It inspires me to go out hiking more often.

Pau and my dad.

Creepy statue lady. Uncanny valley right there.

Ice cold river. Oak Creek.

This weeny didn't want to get in.

Until I dragged her in.

Funny picture. Water was really cold!

Family of javelinas.

DON'T BLINK.

The end.

Short update

Still recovering from the trip. Giant, pic-heavy post coming up. I cannot wait to see Harry Potter. :>

Here's a picture of Toph, for no reason.

By link

Ranty Rant ahead

I'm in Sedona now. It's nice, and I should be happy, but I'm not. I'm really irritated right now.

First off, my family has recently become weirdly obsessive about weight and eating healthy and stuff. I mean, we have never been really bad eaters, on the contrary. We've always been healthy. My sister started going on a diet, because she wants to lose weight. She's crazy, always thinking she's fat and stuff. And my parents, instead of telling her she's beautiful and she doesn't need to lose weight, have been encouraging her. I understand my mom to an extent. She's always been a diet-crazy person, always used to say she needed to lose weight. But my dad? He's been encouraging her too. I mean, okay, I get the eating healthy part. We should always try to eat healthy. But sometimes it's nice to just eat whatever, especially on vacation. And my sister is at that age where she hates how her body looks. My parents should not be focusing on her physical. It'll just mess her up.

Alright, and speaking of my dad, it is so obvious that he favors my sister more. "Oh, that perfect child! Look at her, eating healthy stuff, excelling in water polo and swim!" And no, I'm not looking to be worshiped or anything, but when my mom excitedly showed him one of my drawings, he couldn't have been more indifferent. Thanks, dad. And those two things were just today. The worst part? We talked about his favoritism before, when my cousin pointed out that my dad seemed to like Paulina better. DAD, Y U NO LEARN?

Ugh! And to top it all off, the guy that supposedly installed my tablet to my laptop obviously didn't do a good job, since it's not fucking working. This is like the third time trying to install this shit. My god. I fucking give up.

Please, please, let tomorrow be better. I refuse to spend my vacation perpetually pissed.

I'm writing this post on my mom's ipad. It is cool.

Been in Nogales, Arizona. It's hot as hell there. About 107 in the day. bleeeeh.

I'm back home now, home sweet home. :)Anyway, a little something happened in Nogales. Me and my dad were going to take both my laptops to this computer repair place, because they both had some issues, nothing major, just annoying. On our way in, my dad accidentally dropped the bag with both my laptops in it. And my newer laptop's monitor shattered. Heh, it was kind of a bummer. But yeah, my dad felt really bad. I didn't really get mad or anything, cause I knew it was an accident. The computer repair guy ordered a new one and I should be getting it back on saturday.

Some good times in Nogales with the fam. I got to meet my almost two month old niece. Monsoon season was starting, and the Arizona desert skies were gorgeous.

I'm going to meet my friends today. Should be fun. I iz happy.:D

Next week will be really fun, were all going to Sedona, Arizona. It's one of my favorite places in the world, that I've been to obviously.