TL;DR. Ye be Warned

I am so tied to my computer. It's an addiction, it really is. I'm thinking of restricting my internet usage a lot for the next year; A resolution, if you will.

It became clear to me this past week, when we were starting our final project in my drawing class. I had so much trouble coming up with an idea. (As whined about in this post) All I could think about was, "The internet will save me! The internet will give me ideas!" instead of coming up with ideas on my own. It's like I've become lazy when I have to be creative. Like I have no mind of my own. Instead of thinking something up myself, I check online to see what other people have come up with.

It explains the serious lack of writing, the major writer's block I have, and the artist's block. Another thing that sucks up any creativity I may have is mindless browsing. There is really no need for me to check my facebook and email more than twice a day, really. And yet, I spend my time on the internet clicking on yahoo and facebook and youtube over and over and over again, as if I expect something to change.

It's also been affecting my concentration. I never, ever have only one tab open. (even now. I'm typing this up and watching Fire and Ice on youtube.) If I ever, do, I quickly open a new one, because it feels like I should save time by multitasking. Now, I notice that even when I'm doing something not computer-related, I have to be doing something else too, just to save time. When I'm doing that, I don't fully concentrate on either thing.

Another thing that's bee a problem with me lately is spending way too much time watching TV shows. I feel like I'm watching too many at a time, ad I can't even keep track of what happened in which show. I swear, right now I am watching Battlestar Galactica, Clannad After Story, Mushi-Shi, Last Exile, X-Files, Avatar The Last Airbender, Doctor Who, and Firefly (the last three for the second time). Lost and Doctor Who alone have cost me most of my year. Now, I'm a lover of a good story, so I am definitely not cutting out TV shows altogether, but I am going to limit how many I am allowed to watch at one time (probably two is all I can handle).

Now, I don't want this post to be just about the things I am going to cut out, but also what I am going to focus on this year. Reading, for one. I miss the feeling of getting sucked in to a story to the point of not being able to put it down, to the point that I cry at a character's loss and cheer at their successes. I have not gotten to that point in hardly any book that I've read this year, because of my internet-an-tv-fueled ADD. I've read a fair few books, but too sporadically. So a focus on reading for next year.

Playing video games may come as a surprising thing to focus on, but it is something that I have too long abandoned. I am talking specifically about Final Fantasy X and X-2. I miss the satisfaction of leveling up and defeating bosses. It is something that required quite a bit of dedication. I am one to replay old games like Spyro the Dragon and Jak 2 and Shadow of the Colossus over and over, never moving on to new games. So, finishing FFX and X-2, and trying out new games. Skyrim and KOTOR are on the top of the list.

Writing and art are, obviously, a huge thing I want to focus on. I still have to many characters in my head whom are begging to have their stories told, and I will not let them turn to dust. I have too many dreams that should have been drawn and made real, but have sadly wasted away in a brain that goes in a million different directions and has no time to concentrate on anything. I need a little bit of discipline.

Also, blogging. I still like blogging, because if feels like a grown up version of journaling, but I need to update less when I have nothing to say. I think I have one too many posts that just say LOL NOTHING'S HAPPENED BUT I FEEL LIKE POSTING MY FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS ANYWAY. No more. (I still may need to vent sometimes, but that's different.)

In conclusion (I know, finally) I really want to discipline myself, to learn to concentrate, to multitask less, and to finish more. Turn off the TV, turn on the music. Close the laptop, open a book. Yeah, that sounds good. It's my new mantra. And screw waiting until January. I'm starting now. :D I feel very motivated.

I'm burning incence tonight. ^_^

Went downtown with my friends yesterday. *checks time* Oh, wait, technically two days ago. (Monday already? Fuck that.) Downtown San Diego is the best. I want to live there one day. Sure, there are creeps, but you just have to know how to handle them. ;P You gotta be tough to live there. Anyway, we went to eat at Sammy's Woodfired Pizza and we got a free sundae because the waiter was super-nice. He got a good tip that day. ^_^

So, pretty fun weekend!

Uh, what else? Oh yeah, I finished that book I was talking about in my last post. Kitty and the Midnight Hour. It's very good. I'm pretty sure I saw like ten other books of the same series at Border's, so, I'll have to read those too eventually. o.O I don't particularly like leaving a series unfinished.

Started reading The Lord of the Rings, because if I don't read those books I will be an embarrassment to the fantasy-geek community.

Erg, tired. Better go to sleep before I start rambling like a fool.

Te quiero puta! Hehe Rammstein *heart*

To Do Next Week 10/10 to 10/14:

• For the love of all that's holy, FINISH THAT BOOK YOU STARTED READING LIKE A MONTH AGO. Seriously, it'll take you three hours, tops. Just turn off the damn computer for one evening and do it!
• Register to vote. Don't stress about the political party. As long as you're not a Republican, you're golden. 
• Write one chapter of your Estradia novel. Just one. Don't worry about the planning, you'll fix that later. Just, ONE, chapter, is that so hard?
• Drive. Drive anywhere. To school, to Ralph's, to Target, to downtown Chula Vista. Everywhere. Work your way up to the highway.
• Think very very seriously about what I want to do next semester. If you're thinking of declaring a major, talk to a counselor about it. If you're going to work, THEN APPLY FOR A GODDAMN JOB!!! It's not that fucking hard.
• You're doing pretty good at keeping your room organized, so keep it up. Don't listen to your mother who tells you that it's too cluttered. It's not clutter, mother, it's just my room's personality.
• Start selling your art. Your family wants to buy some of it. You need the monies. DO IT.
• Go to the library and check out books on Egypt. 'Cause you know you want to.
• Oh, yeah, and do that homework thing for your jewelry class. And buy paper for your drawing class.
• Remember that Draw It Again meme you were planning on doing? Get off your lazy ass and do it.

That sounds right.  The reality is I'll probably accomplish about seven of these, maximum. I'm an idiot. Je suis une idiote. Une belle idiote. Hehe. Sometimes I pretend I speak French.

I've been feeling lethargic today.

I got the last book of the Leviathan series (Goliath) from Amazon and it arrived last night. Of course, I read it all at once. Good ending, man.




Anyway. My stomach is still in annoyingly delicate condition. At least I'm not too nauseated anymore.

I really want to write, but I am a little blocked. Ugh. I guess for now I'll just read and start drawing the picture for my niece Andrea. Even though I seriously don't know what to draw for her. *.*

I... just realized how many books I have in my bookcase that I have not read. I'll have to get right on that.

May as well read Harry Potter now

I'm sick. D: I'm nauseated and my stomach is grumbling painfully. I was close to puking a while ago, but I have it under control now, thankfully. It must be something I ate. Probably those goddamn strawberries. Except Paulina and my mom ate some too and they're okay.

Didn't even go to fucking school today. Stupid art project that I stayed up all night to finish. >:( *grumbles angrily*

I shouldn't have had that burger for lunch. Uuuugh.

Cool story, bro.

I'm supposed to be doing my homework, but I'm drawing a kissy kissy Ron and Hermione instead. *u*

Short update, nut I haven't done anything today.

I'm craving In-n-Out.

I'm watching To Catch a Predator. My god these guys are so gross.

Didn't get through the entire HP series this weekend. I just finished the fourth book. Hm. I'll have to take the last three a bit slower, 'cause I have work to do this week. Hurm, reading them makes me want to write a fan fic so bad. I will write.

Also!!! I might be going to Orlando soon to visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter and other theme parks (DisneyWorld and such). It's not certain, but it's a definite probability. :D I might have to miss a couple of days of school, but that's just a bonus!

Ugh. I'm still watching To Catch a Predator, and one of those slimeballs brought his toddler with him to the house. My god, those guys are seriously going to a special hell. >:(

I tried to draw Simba from the Lion King. LOL NEIN. Animals are hard to draw.

DMV tomorrow. Cannot effing wait. Man I hate that place. And the people who work there. They're all perpetually grumpy. N'aime pas.

Anyway, I said in a previous post that I wanted to read the entire Harry Potter series (for like the seventh or eighth time, no joke) in one sleepless weekend. Well, I am going to make it happen! Tomorrow is Day One of Harry Potter Madness (after the DMV obviously). Yay! I have no life and I know it. No need to point it out. :D

Hey, I'll probably get tons of ideas for a fan fiction! Oho, more proof I have no life! So many exclamation marks!!!!!!!

Going to sleep now on account that I'm waking up at seven tomorrow. -__-

I wonder what I would see if a dementor sucked up my happiness. I guess I already know. *Shifty eyes*

I've been watching all of the Harry Potter movies recently. I'm on Prisoner of Azkaban. Oh, and I've also signed up on Fictionpress and FanFiction.net. Hopefully it'll inspire me to write some stories. Original or otherwise.

Also, I want to read the Harry Potter books. Preferably over one sleepless weekend. Sounds like bliss.

Ugh. I'm going to have to get my permit again before I go take my driver's license. Boo, going to do that on Friday. In the meantime, I'm gonna study for it.

Hehe, I'm not on this movie yet, but these are hilarious:

LOL Lauren Cooper!

Sad about closing bookstores, but happy at 25 to 50 percent off!

I went to Borders today. I'm kinda bummed that they're closing, but I got some books there for a really good price!

Thirst series by Christopher Pike, one of my favorite authors. All three for about seven dollars.

Aaaand, this little gem. When I draw, the poses are so stiff, so I'm hoping this will help me. Draw Comic Book Action

I'm currently reading this: (omg creeper)

I'm on a total vampire craze for some reason. Also, in case it's not obvious, I'm wearing my PE shirt from middle school. As jammies.

Obligatory camwhore shot:

Lol I totally ignored this list of books I was planning to read this year.

Harry Potter = Excellence

I have now watched Harry Potter 7 part 2 twice. TWICE THE EPICNESS. Aaaah, seriously, it was the best ending to the films. I got all teary-eyed at the Snape Pensieve part. ~*~Snape X Lily~*~ Also, the 19 Years Later part. Yeah, they didn't look nearly old enough, but it was still a pretty great scene. ;_;

I did my nails just for Harry Potter!

Not my original idea, BTW.


Ah, all of this Harry Potter excitement makes me want to re-watch all the movies and re-read all the books.

Can't wait for this, whatever it may be!

We're all scared of something...

Weird day. My mood was very bipolar.

I went out with my dad and grandparents to target and a secondhand bookstore. I bought five books and two awesome candlesticks all for under $20. Life was good.

Then we all come home and my mom (who has been really sick these past couple of days) was feeling nauseated.

A little fact about me: I'm ridiculously afraid of vomit and vomiting. Seriously, it's bad. Everything about it freaks me out to the point that I may faint; the sound, the smell, the sight. I've gotten better about it, but it used to be so bad I would close my eyes and cover my ears when someone puked on tv. I also used to sit all the way at the back of the movie theater because I was paranoid that someone would vomit behind me. Even though I have felt sick to my stomach before, I haven't vomited in more than ten years because I willed myself not to. Yeah, I did it out of sheer will power.

Back to what happened today: My mom was feeling nauseated. This didn't really scare me that much, because she's always nauseated after chemo, and she never vomits. Then she said that she had vomited while we were out. I felt a little lurch in my stomach, but I told myself, Be strong, damn it! But then my mom made a nobody-talk-to-me-I'm-trying-not-to-vomit face. So I rush out of there, feeling like a complete wuss.

A minute later I feel like a bitch for not being there comforting my mom. So I grit my teeth and walk back in her room, pretending that nothing's wrong. Then I see her hugging a trash can and my dad and grandma looking concerned. Mother has just vomited. There is vomit in my presence.

Head starts spinning. Stomach lurching. I'm kind of frozen. I hear my mom explaining to my grandma that I am scared of vomiting. Grandma tries to comfort me by saying that there was no food, it was all liquid and therefore it doesn't smell. Brain yells, WTF STOMACH ACID?!?!?!? I run the fuck out of there while hyperventilating. I nearly faint on the stairs. Stumble into the backyard.

I sat down next to the house and tried to control my hyperventilation. Once I felt better, I started crying. I felt ridiculous and ashamed. I completely understood that it was dumb, that my fear was totally irrational. Why did I react so badly when it came to such a stupid thing?

After a while, I calmed down enough to go back inside. To my slight annoyance, no one even noticed I had been outside for half an hour. Whatever.

 After a while I cheered up. Still a little bit annoyed at my wussiness, but still. I'm happy and excited because there's going to be a Camelot marathon starting in ten minutes. I'll be up all night. Yay!

Chipmunk Face

So far, Chipmunk Face Day has not been too bad. I am quite a bit rounder than usual, but I haven't gotten to this point yet:

 

Grandparents are here today. I will be sleeping in my parents room today. I'm not complaining though. My grandparents are cool. 

Ha, I've been reading a lot, but nothing them from my list. I should have known I wouldn't stick to it. Whatever, at least I'm reading, right? (For the record, I'm reading: Hold me closer, necromancer by Lish Mcbride; A great and terrible beauty by Libba Bray; A fistful of sky by er... someone. Will check author later.)

Listening to this:




I am dying to write. Thing is, I always bounce around from story to story, never getting a single one done. I am ADD when it comes to certain things. :/

I'm also feeling vaguely like this today:

I'm super hungry. I don't want more soup!!!!!! I want chips and lasagna and cookies. I guess I'll go have some chocolate pudding.

My opinion on Twilight

It's been a few days since I posted, mostly because I didn't know what to write about. Oh, and I was busier than I've been in years. But this morning I got the idea of posting my views on the infamous Twilight. So, here goes:

First off, I am one of those who read the entire Twilight series. I am not the person who read one chapter and couldn’t stomach the rest. Those people are very much entitled to their opinion, and I can definitely understand it. Twilight has just as many haters as fans.

I enjoyed the Twilight series. Yeah, that’s right. With that said, I don’t pretend that Twilight is a masterpiece. I fully comprehend that it is not very well-written and more than a little insane. Nevertheless, I liked reading it. It is fluffy, frilly, and cheesy, but enjoyable. 

The thing that really bothers me about Twilight is the fanbase. Those rabid girls who worship Twilight and  take it so seriously. (They’re called Twi-hards, right? That always makes me imagine the girls getting the equivalent of a boner whenever Twilight is mentioned.) Edward is a god to them and Bella is everything they want to be. I find this incredibly ridiculous. Once Twilight becomes more of a bible than fluff-reading, things get unhealthy.

Edward is not the greatest at relationships (examples are numerous, including stalking Bella, watching her sleep, and making her dependent on him), and Bella is, frankly, a bore.  The two of them share have the sort of relationship that is funny to read about, but really sad when fans try to emulate it.  

I think the main point is that it saddens me to see that novels like Twilight are what people today consider great literature. Also, it pains me to see such a sad, sparkling mockery of a vampire. Dear god, what has happened to the world?

For your enjoyment, here are some of my favorite Twilight-bashing art. Yes, I like Twilight, and I like bashing Twilight. Haters gonna hate.All drawings from deviantArt. First up, Why Bella is a Mary Sue:

By Whitedog1

Bellatrix Lestrange y'all. By Makani

By StressedJenny

By EmpressFunk

By Shinga