TL;DR. Ye be Warned

I am so tied to my computer. It's an addiction, it really is. I'm thinking of restricting my internet usage a lot for the next year; A resolution, if you will.

It became clear to me this past week, when we were starting our final project in my drawing class. I had so much trouble coming up with an idea. (As whined about in this post) All I could think about was, "The internet will save me! The internet will give me ideas!" instead of coming up with ideas on my own. It's like I've become lazy when I have to be creative. Like I have no mind of my own. Instead of thinking something up myself, I check online to see what other people have come up with.

It explains the serious lack of writing, the major writer's block I have, and the artist's block. Another thing that sucks up any creativity I may have is mindless browsing. There is really no need for me to check my facebook and email more than twice a day, really. And yet, I spend my time on the internet clicking on yahoo and facebook and youtube over and over and over again, as if I expect something to change.

It's also been affecting my concentration. I never, ever have only one tab open. (even now. I'm typing this up and watching Fire and Ice on youtube.) If I ever, do, I quickly open a new one, because it feels like I should save time by multitasking. Now, I notice that even when I'm doing something not computer-related, I have to be doing something else too, just to save time. When I'm doing that, I don't fully concentrate on either thing.

Another thing that's bee a problem with me lately is spending way too much time watching TV shows. I feel like I'm watching too many at a time, ad I can't even keep track of what happened in which show. I swear, right now I am watching Battlestar Galactica, Clannad After Story, Mushi-Shi, Last Exile, X-Files, Avatar The Last Airbender, Doctor Who, and Firefly (the last three for the second time). Lost and Doctor Who alone have cost me most of my year. Now, I'm a lover of a good story, so I am definitely not cutting out TV shows altogether, but I am going to limit how many I am allowed to watch at one time (probably two is all I can handle).

Now, I don't want this post to be just about the things I am going to cut out, but also what I am going to focus on this year. Reading, for one. I miss the feeling of getting sucked in to a story to the point of not being able to put it down, to the point that I cry at a character's loss and cheer at their successes. I have not gotten to that point in hardly any book that I've read this year, because of my internet-an-tv-fueled ADD. I've read a fair few books, but too sporadically. So a focus on reading for next year.

Playing video games may come as a surprising thing to focus on, but it is something that I have too long abandoned. I am talking specifically about Final Fantasy X and X-2. I miss the satisfaction of leveling up and defeating bosses. It is something that required quite a bit of dedication. I am one to replay old games like Spyro the Dragon and Jak 2 and Shadow of the Colossus over and over, never moving on to new games. So, finishing FFX and X-2, and trying out new games. Skyrim and KOTOR are on the top of the list.

Writing and art are, obviously, a huge thing I want to focus on. I still have to many characters in my head whom are begging to have their stories told, and I will not let them turn to dust. I have too many dreams that should have been drawn and made real, but have sadly wasted away in a brain that goes in a million different directions and has no time to concentrate on anything. I need a little bit of discipline.

Also, blogging. I still like blogging, because if feels like a grown up version of journaling, but I need to update less when I have nothing to say. I think I have one too many posts that just say LOL NOTHING'S HAPPENED BUT I FEEL LIKE POSTING MY FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS ANYWAY. No more. (I still may need to vent sometimes, but that's different.)

In conclusion (I know, finally) I really want to discipline myself, to learn to concentrate, to multitask less, and to finish more. Turn off the TV, turn on the music. Close the laptop, open a book. Yeah, that sounds good. It's my new mantra. And screw waiting until January. I'm starting now. :D I feel very motivated.

What does it meeean???

I'm on the last season of Lost, and all I can say is GODDAMN FINALLY. I like this show and it keeps me really hooked, but sometimes I want to punch the writers in the face. And fuck them especially for killing off Sayid. (Oh, wait... he's alive!) Also fuck them for boring us with Sawyer-Kate-Jack love triangle. Still, I expect some answers.

My couch is annoyingly squeaky.

I am going to force myself to write and draw today. Now that I seem to have found my muse! :'D

Star Wars is on youtube. I'm off to watch it before youtube blocks it.

 Update on last's week's to do list.

Most of those done. I didn't go to the library (no time), I didn't draw the Do It Again meme. Or the selling my art thing. Not sure how to go about that last one. :/

Anyway, I was going to apply to Best Buy, but they're looking for really specific computer-savvy people for their jobs. Boo for them. I may apply to Macy's. Later. For now, I have to focus on getting my classes ready for next semester. I'm going to make an appointment to see my counselor.

I have decided. I want to go for Archaeology/Anthropology, with an emphasis in Egyptology. :D Of course, I can't get that specific in community college, but I think an associates degree in history or humanities would be a good, solid foundation. Or maybe I'll just take my general ed classes. (something I'm avoiding like the goddamn bubonic plague. NO MOAR MATHS!) We'll see.

I'm kind of avoiding the thought of getting an art degree because art is something I've always done, it's my safe backup. So If Archaeology proves to be too difficult, art it is.

It's weird that I'm planning this. I mean, it's not weird weird, it's just that I remember vowing never to go back to school just four months ago. I was so sure I was just going to work and not waste all that time and money on school. It's not a bad weird, to clarify. I finally have something I'd very much like to study.

...Huh, the rambling came early tonight. :/

I'm burning incence tonight. ^_^

Went downtown with my friends yesterday. *checks time* Oh, wait, technically two days ago. (Monday already? Fuck that.) Downtown San Diego is the best. I want to live there one day. Sure, there are creeps, but you just have to know how to handle them. ;P You gotta be tough to live there. Anyway, we went to eat at Sammy's Woodfired Pizza and we got a free sundae because the waiter was super-nice. He got a good tip that day. ^_^

So, pretty fun weekend!

Uh, what else? Oh yeah, I finished that book I was talking about in my last post. Kitty and the Midnight Hour. It's very good. I'm pretty sure I saw like ten other books of the same series at Border's, so, I'll have to read those too eventually. o.O I don't particularly like leaving a series unfinished.

Started reading The Lord of the Rings, because if I don't read those books I will be an embarrassment to the fantasy-geek community.

Erg, tired. Better go to sleep before I start rambling like a fool.

Cool story, bro.

I'm supposed to be doing my homework, but I'm drawing a kissy kissy Ron and Hermione instead. *u*

Short update, nut I haven't done anything today.

I'm craving In-n-Out.

I wonder what I would see if a dementor sucked up my happiness. I guess I already know. *Shifty eyes*

I've been watching all of the Harry Potter movies recently. I'm on Prisoner of Azkaban. Oh, and I've also signed up on Fictionpress and FanFiction.net. Hopefully it'll inspire me to write some stories. Original or otherwise.

Also, I want to read the Harry Potter books. Preferably over one sleepless weekend. Sounds like bliss.

Ugh. I'm going to have to get my permit again before I go take my driver's license. Boo, going to do that on Friday. In the meantime, I'm gonna study for it.

Hehe, I'm not on this movie yet, but these are hilarious:

LOL Lauren Cooper!

YALALA ...

Today was the first day of school. Teacher was very cool. I  don't feel much like writing a lot, but I thought a little update was in order.

Um, I got a PS2 game in the mail today: GrimGrimoire. Also, I got two posters:

Hmm, what else? I've been drawing stuffsies. May do an art post later. Hrm, maybe. I already have some homework. >:(

Listening to Within Temptation - The Howling

I went driving with my dad today. Plenty of driving. I'm not so scared of it anymore. I used to have, like, mini panic attacks every time I sat in the driver's seat. Of course, I still avoid the highways and I still have slight issued with full parking lots, but I am so much more at ease. :D I'm so brave, you guys!!1!!1

MY DREAMS ARE TORTURING ME WITH AWESOMENESS. I was a zombie slayer last night. Yeeah, I had a very cool rifle, and I shot those motherfuckers down! I was on some creepy island, Lost-esque, and I was all cool and in control. There were some other people with me, and they all listened to me like I was the leader. "Don't worry, we'll get through this night."
...Shut up, it was a good dream. The bad thing about those dreams is that I wake up and think, shit, why can't I really be like that?

But whatevs. I'm eating a baby bottle pop. And I'm wearing a temporary tattoo.

In completely unrelated news, I dreamed of Lost last night

I am so conflicted right now. I don't even know where to start or what the root of my conflicted feelings are.

Okay, first things first.

I told my mom I was thinking of maybe joining the army. I said it very much expecting her to say something like "Don't be silly." But no, she completely took me by surprise and told me that she too had once thought about joining the army. o.o Okay, to me, my parents seemed kind of against joining the army. My whole life, I had gotten that vibe from them. So I was kind of shocked. And happy that she understood why I wanted to join.

Then there's my dad. Oh, god. He's really not into that. When I first told him, he was all "What? Since when did you want to join? What is it you want from the army?" I shocked him that time. I get why. I've always been the quiet, bookish type. Shy, and stay-at-home kinda girl.

That's just it, though. I really hate of living the rest of my life without a little adventure. I want to have a story to tell my grandkids, a life worth remembering. I want to make an impact, a difference. I'm aware it makes me sound like a glory-loving fool, but I'm serious. I don't like what my life is like right now.

Here's where the complication comes in. Living the life I want doesn't necessarily have to involve joining the army. It could be traveling the world, or becoming a paranormal investigator, or maybe an archaeologist. I'm dead fucking serious. I could join a band of gypsies and spend my life reading people's fortunes. I just need to do something. I'm going insane in this tiny life. I want something big and radically different than what I'm used to. So, yeah, I have a lot of options.

I feel that joining the army is best, though. Not only is it big and different, but it'll make me strong, physically and mentally. I really want that. I feel like if I don't join, I'll regret it in the future. The army to me means camaraderie and new found courage, two things I lack horribly.

HOWEVER. I'm also terrified of changing my life. Doing something new will take a lot of courage. Yep, I'm borderline agoraphobic. Something needs to push me towards change. (God, I'm terrified of what'll happen now that that's gotten out into the open. Last time I wished for something life-changing to happen to me, my mom got cancer. So, universe, God, whomever is out there, JUST DON'T BE A DICK ABOUT IT. kthx.)

Harry Potter = Excellence

I have now watched Harry Potter 7 part 2 twice. TWICE THE EPICNESS. Aaaah, seriously, it was the best ending to the films. I got all teary-eyed at the Snape Pensieve part. ~*~Snape X Lily~*~ Also, the 19 Years Later part. Yeah, they didn't look nearly old enough, but it was still a pretty great scene. ;_;

I did my nails just for Harry Potter!

Not my original idea, BTW.


Ah, all of this Harry Potter excitement makes me want to re-watch all the movies and re-read all the books.

Can't wait for this, whatever it may be!

There will probably be an art post tomorrow!

THE GODS HAVE SMILED DOWN UPON ME

... I have a new scanner! It's not new new, but it works, unlike the piece of shit that my school provided me with. :/ So I shall once again grace the internet with my artwork! It's been, what, six months since my scanner decided to jam itself, and I have quite a few pieces accumulated. :D

It's been a boring day otherwise. Woke up at like ten in the morning (In my defense I still only got like seven hours of sleep regardless, which for me is definitely not enough... I'm a 9+ hours person). Did some art for art class, read some stuff for Lit, and I still have lots of stuff to read. I will probably be up until three again... story of my life.

Also, I stalked my favorite artist, Amanda Bussell, aka Shinga. Her webcomic, Head Trip, is what got me really into drawing comics. She's awesome.

The Sun and the Moon

Head Trip - Awkward Years

I aspire to be as awesome as her one day. lol. That sounded cheesy, but it's true. :p

Also, I have a little secret: You know those shows on SyFy about people messing in the supernatural, like Destination Truth or Ghost Hunters or Fact or Faked? I've always wanted to do stuff like that, make a living off investigating ghosts or hauntings or cryptids. Except that I would probably be scared shitless when I was actually out there investigating. Psh, watching it on TV is better anyway.