Shark week alert.

OMG teary from a Hallmark commercial. "Traditions are for keeping us together..." ;_;

~~~~~~~~~^~~~~~~~~~ duh dun... duh dun... duh dun DUH DUN DUH DUN DUH DUN!! ;P

Ooh, and I just now realized that it's National Novel Writing Month. I think it's too late to sign up now, but I'm going to focus on writing this month.


Fuck cramps. >:(

Random thoughts of the morning.

Hmm. Ren faire was really cool. I wouldn't mind going again in the spring, this time in a much better outfit.

Mom starts another round of chemo tomorrow, and today my dad is going out of town and isn't coming back til Friday. I feel like a huge coward for wanting him here. I feel like I should be able to take care of my mom myself, but I get scared sometimes. Whatever, he's gone now.

Daylight savings is obsolete. 

I feel like a big pile of shit today. I have since last night. I can't draw at all either, so that's not helping. I seem to be a big empty creative-less shell.

'Cause sick people are high-larious!

I am crocheting meself a scarf. We'll see how it turns out. It just really needs to be layers-wearing and hot-chocolate drinking season already. It'd be nice to have someone to cuddle up to, as well. My kitty Luna will have to do, I guess.

Watching Firefly right now. Haha, Simon is so awkward. Bahaha and did Jayne just call Inara, "Eye-nehra?" I love Jayne, that pretend-dumb brute. Whyyyyy was this show cancelled?!?! I need a 'Browncoat' shirt. Let my geek-flag fly!

Oooh, I realized my mom threw away a bunch of old towels, among them one of my favorites. It was Lisa Frank. This made me grumpy. Don't judge me. (First World Problems)

Also, the Halloween candy? Got to go. I probably already gained five pounds.

Ow... I think the cramps are starting. This is not good. :(

Justin Bieber couldn't have gotten a girl pregnant, his balls haven't dropped.

I really hate school sometimes. It's all a really big goddamn hassle. I just want a nice job that pays relatively well (not even well well, just something that pays enough). But no. I have to go to school and get a degree, because according to society, if I don't go to college I'm a failure.

...They're probably right. I'm such a lazy, cowardly piece of shit. I wish I had the balls to be my own hero. I'm too quiet, too shy, too fucking complacent, and, contradictorily, too restless and too much of a dreamer. I seriously don't know what to do with myself sometimes .

I want to go out there into the world, guns blazing, but I'm too scared. I really loathe the coward inside of myself. I'm in a constant state of discontent and waiting. I always seem to be waiting for something to happen instead of doing shit myself.

Ugh. I need some kind of personality transplant. I need a TON of growing and changing to do.  Why am I so goddamn lame? Is it genetic? Were my parents this shy and cowardly? I find that hard to believe. They both seem so tough.

Ffffffffuuuuuuuuuu- I think it's close to That Time again. -__- Okay, enough hating on myself. I'm going to watch Lost or something. Yeah.

I can't really think of a title for this. :/

There are times when my need for independence is so great I don't know what to do with myself. It comes at me like a slap in the face. I need to be out on my own and live my life. I can't have my parents with me forever. I feel so sheltered and babied and stupid.

It came at me today. I was just there, sitting at the table with my mom and dad. I'm not sure what triggered it, but I suddenly thought, damn, I need to move out, I can't effing stand it here. I feel a bit guilty for thinking that. I have very supportive parents. They're not strict, but they're not apathetic, either. They're pretty much the best parents ever. But I still want to be out on my own.

There's the obvious problem: Lack of money and job. It all boils down to my fear of unknown. I'm such a fucking coward when it comes to finding a job. Maybe I can start out volunteering or something. I don't know.

It's times like these when I feel like a shit excuse for a person and want to just cry and sleep. Unfortunately I still haven't finished the damn art project due tomorrow, so I'm going to have to do that now and possibly all through the night.

Gahhhhh, bored.

Wow, I'm bored. D: Not even the internet is entertaining today. :( It's always the same things I click. Youtube, email, Facebook, deviantArt, over and over and OVER again. I occasionally throw in Amazon and add more shit to my wishlist. I just have nothing else to do really. I'm having a bit of an art block-ish thing. Maybe I'm just lazy and I don't want to do anything. Maybe it's the fact that I started my period. Whoa, actually, that would explain a lot. -__-

PMS-fueled rant ahead

Yesterday was weird and I got all moody and sensitive and stuff. I think it's because I'm PMSing. That may be the reason for this semi-rant thing ahead.



My sister Paulina is a dancer. She loves it, she has a passion for it. But yesterday, my mom and I went with her to Kohl's because she wanted to buy a body shaping thing to go under her dance costume because she thinks she looks fat in it.

There are many awful things that come with being a teenager, but one really bad thing an almost fifteen-year-old girl can experience is thinking she is fat. I know, I've gone through that. I still go through that sometimes, but thankfully, now that I'm older, I know that A) I'm not fat, even if I feel like it sometimes, and B) Even if I were, it's not the worst thing one can be.

There are many people I can "blame" for brainwashing my sister and I into thinking that if we're not skinny, we're not good enough: the media, society, even my mother and grandmother. But I don't want to blame anyone, because there's nothing we can do about it now. I just know that it's possible and NORMAL to believe otherwise. It takes time and support from others, but I just know that now that I like who I am, life is so much more meaningful. This actually means a lot, coming from me, the girl that used to have a billion insecurities.

Anyway, there I was in a Kohl's fitting room with Paulina, and there she was, nearly crying because the damn thing was so expensive but she absolutely needed it or else she was going to look horrible. -__- So, yeah, the body shaper wasn't a huge deal, it was just for one time. But Paulina complains all the time about how fat she is, going on diets and stuff. It breaks my heart.

I had a moment there in the fitting room, I saw my younger self in her, and I felt her pain. It was so frustrating to see my beautiful, talented, loud and funny little sister looking at herself like that. I wish I could tell her how awesome she is and have her believe me.

But, being who she is, I tried to comfort her and she gave me a look. An I'm-going-to-beat-you-up-if-you-don't-snap-out-of-it look. So that was that. ._. One day she'll believe me, I know it.

Gah, I'm too mushy. Here's a picture of me and Luna to negate the mushiness.

It's official, Disney movies make me cry

Watched Tangled, cried sporadically throughout, and ate chocolate ice cream with Nutella. Now I feel cranky and sick to my stomach.
PMS is a bitch. On the bright side at least I'm not feeling depressingly emo like earlier.
Also, I'm thinking of getting a livejournal and delete this blog. I don't know if it matters, though. No one reads this anyway. ;_;

I'm kind of in the mood to watch Snow White or something.