TL;DR. Ye be Warned

I am so tied to my computer. It's an addiction, it really is. I'm thinking of restricting my internet usage a lot for the next year; A resolution, if you will.

It became clear to me this past week, when we were starting our final project in my drawing class. I had so much trouble coming up with an idea. (As whined about in this post) All I could think about was, "The internet will save me! The internet will give me ideas!" instead of coming up with ideas on my own. It's like I've become lazy when I have to be creative. Like I have no mind of my own. Instead of thinking something up myself, I check online to see what other people have come up with.

It explains the serious lack of writing, the major writer's block I have, and the artist's block. Another thing that sucks up any creativity I may have is mindless browsing. There is really no need for me to check my facebook and email more than twice a day, really. And yet, I spend my time on the internet clicking on yahoo and facebook and youtube over and over and over again, as if I expect something to change.

It's also been affecting my concentration. I never, ever have only one tab open. (even now. I'm typing this up and watching Fire and Ice on youtube.) If I ever, do, I quickly open a new one, because it feels like I should save time by multitasking. Now, I notice that even when I'm doing something not computer-related, I have to be doing something else too, just to save time. When I'm doing that, I don't fully concentrate on either thing.

Another thing that's bee a problem with me lately is spending way too much time watching TV shows. I feel like I'm watching too many at a time, ad I can't even keep track of what happened in which show. I swear, right now I am watching Battlestar Galactica, Clannad After Story, Mushi-Shi, Last Exile, X-Files, Avatar The Last Airbender, Doctor Who, and Firefly (the last three for the second time). Lost and Doctor Who alone have cost me most of my year. Now, I'm a lover of a good story, so I am definitely not cutting out TV shows altogether, but I am going to limit how many I am allowed to watch at one time (probably two is all I can handle).

Now, I don't want this post to be just about the things I am going to cut out, but also what I am going to focus on this year. Reading, for one. I miss the feeling of getting sucked in to a story to the point of not being able to put it down, to the point that I cry at a character's loss and cheer at their successes. I have not gotten to that point in hardly any book that I've read this year, because of my internet-an-tv-fueled ADD. I've read a fair few books, but too sporadically. So a focus on reading for next year.

Playing video games may come as a surprising thing to focus on, but it is something that I have too long abandoned. I am talking specifically about Final Fantasy X and X-2. I miss the satisfaction of leveling up and defeating bosses. It is something that required quite a bit of dedication. I am one to replay old games like Spyro the Dragon and Jak 2 and Shadow of the Colossus over and over, never moving on to new games. So, finishing FFX and X-2, and trying out new games. Skyrim and KOTOR are on the top of the list.

Writing and art are, obviously, a huge thing I want to focus on. I still have to many characters in my head whom are begging to have their stories told, and I will not let them turn to dust. I have too many dreams that should have been drawn and made real, but have sadly wasted away in a brain that goes in a million different directions and has no time to concentrate on anything. I need a little bit of discipline.

Also, blogging. I still like blogging, because if feels like a grown up version of journaling, but I need to update less when I have nothing to say. I think I have one too many posts that just say LOL NOTHING'S HAPPENED BUT I FEEL LIKE POSTING MY FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS ANYWAY. No more. (I still may need to vent sometimes, but that's different.)

In conclusion (I know, finally) I really want to discipline myself, to learn to concentrate, to multitask less, and to finish more. Turn off the TV, turn on the music. Close the laptop, open a book. Yeah, that sounds good. It's my new mantra. And screw waiting until January. I'm starting now. :D I feel very motivated.

YALALA ...

Today was the first day of school. Teacher was very cool. I  don't feel much like writing a lot, but I thought a little update was in order.

Um, I got a PS2 game in the mail today: GrimGrimoire. Also, I got two posters:

Hmm, what else? I've been drawing stuffsies. May do an art post later. Hrm, maybe. I already have some homework. >:(

Sad about closing bookstores, but happy at 25 to 50 percent off!

I went to Borders today. I'm kinda bummed that they're closing, but I got some books there for a really good price!

Thirst series by Christopher Pike, one of my favorite authors. All three for about seven dollars.

Aaaand, this little gem. When I draw, the poses are so stiff, so I'm hoping this will help me. Draw Comic Book Action

I'm currently reading this: (omg creeper)

I'm on a total vampire craze for some reason. Also, in case it's not obvious, I'm wearing my PE shirt from middle school. As jammies.

Obligatory camwhore shot:

Lol I totally ignored this list of books I was planning to read this year.

Hmmm, what happened to my old Monster Book of Manga? I swear it was around here somewhere...

I felt like I needed to update. I don't know why. Nothing much has happened. I've done a bit of art, I posted some videos on my youtube. Hehe, they're a little weird and awkward, but, you know, whatever. ;)

The night after my last post (about the army thing) I cried myself to sleep after wondering what's the point of it all? Life, I mean. Well, I know it sounds kinda stupid now, but insomnia is a bitch. I'm okay now, except for when I have nothing to do, then I'm just depressed.

But I still feel antsy. Like I have to get up and get out. Why am I so afraid of change?

I really do hate myself sometimes. Ah well. I'm going to watch Chobits on Netflix now. And maybe eat my feelings. Just kidding.

Aaaand, to make this post not boring, here's that art thing I made. :) I'm actually kind of proud of it!

I'm breaking the "Mondays Suck" cliche!

I'm feeling happy and sing-song-y today. Which is kind of weird because I just started my period like two days ago. I should be teary and pissy, but I'm not complaining. :D

I'm watching Spiderman 2. I remember watching the first Spiderman at the theater. I was like ten years old I think. Maybe younger. *checks* Hmm, 2002... I was nine. I've been a geek since forever.

OMG I just saw The Hobbit on IMDB... *fangasm* Doctor Who is going to play an elf?!?! I hope it's true. It sucks that I have to wait a whole year and a half to see it!

This song is stuck on repeat in my head:

Oh, yeah, I have a blog here...

I really would like to increase the quantity of posts in my blog. I miss the days when I was younger and I would write in my journal almost daily. I'd like to write daily. Of course, I'll have to choose quantity over quality, but that's okay. I'd like this to be like my journals of old. Hopefully with less angst. Ha.

Anyway, a little recap on what's been going on. I'm still pushing through these last few months of school, mom's still going through chemo (she still has her hair), dad's working hard, and Paulina is off on some Mexican beach right now, the lucky wench. Her friend Juliette invited her to go to Los Barriles in Baja California Sur for two weeks. *Envy*

And on Friday I'm going to get my wisdom teeth taken out. ALL FOUR OF THEM. I'm going to be puffy and in pain. I won't be able to eat anything solid. The only bright side I see to this is the Vicodin the doc prescribed. Hee, I'm going to milk that for all it's worth. Just kidding, kind of...

You know, I've been going through a kind of goth/metal/geeky/anime phase. Hard to describe and it's not really a phase, it's just, I don't know, something. I've been wearing black more often, you will not see me without my black lace-up army boots (army? combat? know what I mean?), red lips, dark eyes. And not just the clothing, I've gotten into anime and stuff. I watched all 24 episodes of Clannad in two sleepless nights. I've always been into vampires, so that's not new, but I have a whole list of vampire movies to watch and books to read. Also, music! Evanescence is nothing new, but Tool, Apocalyptica, Nightwish, Delerium, all new. I liiiike! :)

Also, what would a blog post be without my whining about school? WHY WONT IT END ALREADY??