TL;DR. Ye be Warned

I am so tied to my computer. It's an addiction, it really is. I'm thinking of restricting my internet usage a lot for the next year; A resolution, if you will.

It became clear to me this past week, when we were starting our final project in my drawing class. I had so much trouble coming up with an idea. (As whined about in this post) All I could think about was, "The internet will save me! The internet will give me ideas!" instead of coming up with ideas on my own. It's like I've become lazy when I have to be creative. Like I have no mind of my own. Instead of thinking something up myself, I check online to see what other people have come up with.

It explains the serious lack of writing, the major writer's block I have, and the artist's block. Another thing that sucks up any creativity I may have is mindless browsing. There is really no need for me to check my facebook and email more than twice a day, really. And yet, I spend my time on the internet clicking on yahoo and facebook and youtube over and over and over again, as if I expect something to change.

It's also been affecting my concentration. I never, ever have only one tab open. (even now. I'm typing this up and watching Fire and Ice on youtube.) If I ever, do, I quickly open a new one, because it feels like I should save time by multitasking. Now, I notice that even when I'm doing something not computer-related, I have to be doing something else too, just to save time. When I'm doing that, I don't fully concentrate on either thing.

Another thing that's bee a problem with me lately is spending way too much time watching TV shows. I feel like I'm watching too many at a time, ad I can't even keep track of what happened in which show. I swear, right now I am watching Battlestar Galactica, Clannad After Story, Mushi-Shi, Last Exile, X-Files, Avatar The Last Airbender, Doctor Who, and Firefly (the last three for the second time). Lost and Doctor Who alone have cost me most of my year. Now, I'm a lover of a good story, so I am definitely not cutting out TV shows altogether, but I am going to limit how many I am allowed to watch at one time (probably two is all I can handle).

Now, I don't want this post to be just about the things I am going to cut out, but also what I am going to focus on this year. Reading, for one. I miss the feeling of getting sucked in to a story to the point of not being able to put it down, to the point that I cry at a character's loss and cheer at their successes. I have not gotten to that point in hardly any book that I've read this year, because of my internet-an-tv-fueled ADD. I've read a fair few books, but too sporadically. So a focus on reading for next year.

Playing video games may come as a surprising thing to focus on, but it is something that I have too long abandoned. I am talking specifically about Final Fantasy X and X-2. I miss the satisfaction of leveling up and defeating bosses. It is something that required quite a bit of dedication. I am one to replay old games like Spyro the Dragon and Jak 2 and Shadow of the Colossus over and over, never moving on to new games. So, finishing FFX and X-2, and trying out new games. Skyrim and KOTOR are on the top of the list.

Writing and art are, obviously, a huge thing I want to focus on. I still have to many characters in my head whom are begging to have their stories told, and I will not let them turn to dust. I have too many dreams that should have been drawn and made real, but have sadly wasted away in a brain that goes in a million different directions and has no time to concentrate on anything. I need a little bit of discipline.

Also, blogging. I still like blogging, because if feels like a grown up version of journaling, but I need to update less when I have nothing to say. I think I have one too many posts that just say LOL NOTHING'S HAPPENED BUT I FEEL LIKE POSTING MY FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS ANYWAY. No more. (I still may need to vent sometimes, but that's different.)

In conclusion (I know, finally) I really want to discipline myself, to learn to concentrate, to multitask less, and to finish more. Turn off the TV, turn on the music. Close the laptop, open a book. Yeah, that sounds good. It's my new mantra. And screw waiting until January. I'm starting now. :D I feel very motivated.

Oh, god I just realized I haven't had a single glass of water today. That explains the Sahara desert residing on my tongue.

So, crisis averted from last post. I am going to draw two cowboys, an old western showdown. Shut up, it makes sense in my mind. <.<

Uh, so. Semester's almost done. I have two essays to write. For my art classes. yeah, I know. Stupid.

Anyway, doing some quizzes, not because anyone cares, but because I'm bored.

What Mythical Creature are you? Your Result: Elf Elves are skilled, intelligent craftsmen and warriors. An elf will devote his or her life to a certain trade, and thus become the best in the universe at what they do. Elves are commonly very quiet and reclusive, causing them to be shy. However shy, they are not naive and posess a great deal of knowlege and wisdom that seems to be inherited at birth. Elves are immortal, and very dedicated to nature. They walk in harmony with their surroundings, but are not wholely over emotional beings. Love is not thought of as deep or passionate for these creatures, but rather a pairing, or mating that is ultimately result in offspring.
Nymph
Vampire
Siren
Werewolf
What Mythical Creature are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Cool. I guess.

You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

Blogthings: Waste Time at Work!

Yay.

Your Mind is Purple

Of all the mind types, yours is the most idealistic. You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense. Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

What Color Is Your Mind?

Blogthings: Learn Something Surprising About Yourself

K.

You are a Romantic Realist

Okay, so you fall in the middle. You know that love isn't like a greeting card... Yet you can always find a greeting card to describe your feelings. You are the best of both worlds Girly yet independent, dreamy yet serious. Almost any guy can find balance with you.

Are You a Romantic or Realistic Girl?

Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

YOU SEE MEN, I'M A FUCKING DREAM TO BE WITH- ahem. Look away.

You Were A Famous Poet.

Where You Lived: Egypt. How You Died: Decapitation.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist

In a previous life, because it fails to state this. Jackpot? I totally knew this, anyway. :P

asdnjakfboiqerfbqoe

I have procrastinated on my art project, and now I have no idea what to do. The project is to show action and reaction. Like, a political cartoon, maybe, but it could be anything that shows action and reaction. BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. I was going to draw Jane Austen sitting at her desk with a bunch of female authors standing behind her, kind of symbolizing how Austen made it more mainstream to women to publish their work. But then I researched a bit more, and I realized that Jane Austen wasn't exactly viewed as anything more than "cute" until the 1940's. SO THERE GOES MY IDEA. I don't like Jane Austen anyway.

So I'm too ashamed to go to class today. Except I have to, for the grade. With any luck, some people will have theirs done and will critique, so I can get some ideas. :(

Whine whine whine, feel free to roll your eyes at me.

It's weird how much I've grown to hate my metal class. Not the people in it, nor the teacher, but the goddamned subject. Let's just say that if one of my past selves lived in the Medieval Period, he or she was not a metalworker by any means. Ugh ugh ugh, I'm already dreading my grade. And I can just picture my parent's reaction. A totally justified reaction, too, because they were the ones who paid for the class.

One of my worst qualities (which is kind of hard to admit) is that if something doesn't interest me, I don't care enough to do a good job on it. Take my SAT's, for example. My dad forced me to take it. I didn't want to take it, I thought it was kind of dumb. I didn't study for it until the night before the test, and I didn't sleep well that  night. Kind of explains why I failed so dismally.

I know that in the long run this stupid little class won't affect me much, but right now, it's annoying.

Isis Astarte Diana Hecate Demeter Kali Inanna

I feel like I should write more than I have. I want to make it a habit to write every day, just like I make it a habit to draw everyday. On the days that I don't, I feel the effects of withdrawal. It would make it easier for me to actually finish a story for once. :/

Blergh. < That's my mood today. I really don't want to go to school today. Just a couple weeks left...

HAIR, Y U NO BUTT-LENGTH ALREADY?

I am cleaning my room, listening to E-Type (Free Like A Flying Demon- good song), looking forward to a hot chocolate later and maybe a couple hours of playing my old Jak 2 game. I have nothing to complain about.

:D

I'm oddly happy despite a hefty art final that I have to do and mom's chemo tomorrow. I'm not complaining at all, this is a very nice mood I'm in.

Here's a random picture of me I just found, lookin like an elf. :P I am a weirdo.

Justin Bieber couldn't have gotten a girl pregnant, his balls haven't dropped.

I really hate school sometimes. It's all a really big goddamn hassle. I just want a nice job that pays relatively well (not even well well, just something that pays enough). But no. I have to go to school and get a degree, because according to society, if I don't go to college I'm a failure.

...They're probably right. I'm such a lazy, cowardly piece of shit. I wish I had the balls to be my own hero. I'm too quiet, too shy, too fucking complacent, and, contradictorily, too restless and too much of a dreamer. I seriously don't know what to do with myself sometimes .

I want to go out there into the world, guns blazing, but I'm too scared. I really loathe the coward inside of myself. I'm in a constant state of discontent and waiting. I always seem to be waiting for something to happen instead of doing shit myself.

Ugh. I need some kind of personality transplant. I need a TON of growing and changing to do.  Why am I so goddamn lame? Is it genetic? Were my parents this shy and cowardly? I find that hard to believe. They both seem so tough.

Ffffffffuuuuuuuuuu- I think it's close to That Time again. -__- Okay, enough hating on myself. I'm going to watch Lost or something. Yeah.

Coffee is amour.

Phew! Finished the art project last night. I tried to take a picture of it, but the thing has a serious glare.

I went out to see Paranormal Activity 3 on Saturday with several friends. It was more funny than scary to be honest, but I had heard that it was really scary, so I was covering my eyes the entire time but was somewhat disappointed. It was made funnier by the LOUD outbursts from my scared-as-hell friend. Oh, and he's gay and hilarious. This is important.

SPOILERS, in case anyone reads this and cares. 

*Little person under a sheet appears in frame.*

My friend: "DANG GIRL, GO BACK TO BED."

People in the theater: *laugh* *Secretly thinking that my friend is going to a special hell for talking during the movie.*

*Little person under the sheet is now behind the blonde babysitter.*

My friend: "Oooh, girl, ooh, girl-"

 *Person disappears from under the sheet, leaving it in a crumpled heap on the floor*

Entire theater: *Screams*

My friend (much louder than everyone else): "OH MY GAH OH MY GAAAHH!"


Heh, well, it was kind of a had-to-be-there moments.

I am finally going to color some comics. Now that I have time. :)

Taking a break from homework.

I am not used to homework anymore. I swear on the entire Greek pantheon that I have been working on this goddamn piece since nine this morning. IT IS NOW ALMOST TEN HOURS LATER. AND I AM NOT CLOSE TO FINISHING. I AM ACTUALLY STUCK. Grrr, this thing is due on Monday.

Urgh, I'm obviously not going to do anything this weekend. Except I do have plans. :P Just for tomorrow afternoon, so I will probably definitely be working nonstop in the morning and all of Sunday, bloody Sunday. >:( Poopie.

And if that wasn't all, for some reason, when I actually have stuff like homework to get done, my brain decides to get all inspired to write. Seriously Muses, where the hell were you last week when I actually had nothing to do?!?! Not funny. Come back on Monday, when all this shit is over and done with.

After all the work I've been doing, this better be the Best Thing Ever Drawn By Me, or else.

I'm doing some art homework. I'm kind of annoyed by it, but if I'm planning on taking my general ed classes next semester, I have nothing to whine about. I am going to enjoy these last few months of easy homework before I have to take shit like math and English. Admittedly, English isn't so bad, just the essays I'm going to have to write. And math... well, I'm thinking I'm going to be in the lowest level of it, so it won't be too bad. I hope.

I'm watching Sleepy Hollow. I can't see Christopher Walken in movies without picturing him dancing and singing with a fat, cross-dressed John Travolta. O.O Ruined forever.

Best get on with the homework!

Oh, and look at this. Shush, just look.



Palenque Ruins - II by ~karikaiyuk on deviantART

Star Wars is on youtube. I'm off to watch it before youtube blocks it.

 Update on last's week's to do list.

Most of those done. I didn't go to the library (no time), I didn't draw the Do It Again meme. Or the selling my art thing. Not sure how to go about that last one. :/

Anyway, I was going to apply to Best Buy, but they're looking for really specific computer-savvy people for their jobs. Boo for them. I may apply to Macy's. Later. For now, I have to focus on getting my classes ready for next semester. I'm going to make an appointment to see my counselor.

I have decided. I want to go for Archaeology/Anthropology, with an emphasis in Egyptology. :D Of course, I can't get that specific in community college, but I think an associates degree in history or humanities would be a good, solid foundation. Or maybe I'll just take my general ed classes. (something I'm avoiding like the goddamn bubonic plague. NO MOAR MATHS!) We'll see.

I'm kind of avoiding the thought of getting an art degree because art is something I've always done, it's my safe backup. So If Archaeology proves to be too difficult, art it is.

It's weird that I'm planning this. I mean, it's not weird weird, it's just that I remember vowing never to go back to school just four months ago. I was so sure I was just going to work and not waste all that time and money on school. It's not a bad weird, to clarify. I finally have something I'd very much like to study.

...Huh, the rambling came early tonight. :/

Te quiero puta! Hehe Rammstein *heart*

To Do Next Week 10/10 to 10/14:

• For the love of all that's holy, FINISH THAT BOOK YOU STARTED READING LIKE A MONTH AGO. Seriously, it'll take you three hours, tops. Just turn off the damn computer for one evening and do it!
• Register to vote. Don't stress about the political party. As long as you're not a Republican, you're golden. 
• Write one chapter of your Estradia novel. Just one. Don't worry about the planning, you'll fix that later. Just, ONE, chapter, is that so hard?
• Drive. Drive anywhere. To school, to Ralph's, to Target, to downtown Chula Vista. Everywhere. Work your way up to the highway.
• Think very very seriously about what I want to do next semester. If you're thinking of declaring a major, talk to a counselor about it. If you're going to work, THEN APPLY FOR A GODDAMN JOB!!! It's not that fucking hard.
• You're doing pretty good at keeping your room organized, so keep it up. Don't listen to your mother who tells you that it's too cluttered. It's not clutter, mother, it's just my room's personality.
• Start selling your art. Your family wants to buy some of it. You need the monies. DO IT.
• Go to the library and check out books on Egypt. 'Cause you know you want to.
• Oh, yeah, and do that homework thing for your jewelry class. And buy paper for your drawing class.
• Remember that Draw It Again meme you were planning on doing? Get off your lazy ass and do it.

That sounds right.  The reality is I'll probably accomplish about seven of these, maximum. I'm an idiot. Je suis une idiote. Une belle idiote. Hehe. Sometimes I pretend I speak French.

Shit in my life that only meditation will help.

Had a lot of homework to do... I had to find 40 pictures of reference for my art project. We're supposed to design a monster. I am excited for this project. :D

Anyway, I've been doing research on Egypt. I love Egypt and everything to do with it, but I don't know if archaeology is what I'm interested in, exactly. Don't get me wrong, archaeology is awesome, but I wonder if it'd be one of those things that I would quickly lose interest in.

I need to do some serious serious soul-searching right now and think of what I want to do next semester. Should I just start on my boring-as-hell general ed classes? Should I keep doing art, but take four or five classes this time? Should I start on my epic journey towards becoming an egyptologist? Should I just give school the middle finger and get a job? Is the army still an option? I have a ton to choose from.

Mom's going to be starting another round of chemo on Monday. The doc says it'll be another six months of it. I don't even know what to say to that. I'm fucking tired of it, I cannot even begin to imagine what my mom's going through right now. I hate seeing her so down. It makes me want to punch things.

This post started shallow and took a dive into the deep end. I think I'm going to start meditating again.

May as well read Harry Potter now

I'm sick. D: I'm nauseated and my stomach is grumbling painfully. I was close to puking a while ago, but I have it under control now, thankfully. It must be something I ate. Probably those goddamn strawberries. Except Paulina and my mom ate some too and they're okay.

Didn't even go to fucking school today. Stupid art project that I stayed up all night to finish. >:( *grumbles angrily*

I shouldn't have had that burger for lunch. Uuuugh.

Cool story, bro.

I'm supposed to be doing my homework, but I'm drawing a kissy kissy Ron and Hermione instead. *u*

Short update, nut I haven't done anything today.

I'm craving In-n-Out.

Changed the theme! Brown is soothing, methinks.

Nyeh nyeh nyeh. I don't know what to say. I didn't do much today. Worked out in the morn. Treadmill and then ab blaster from fit tv. Something like that. Then I watched a couple of episodes of Lost while I worked on one of my school projects. I'm now going to paint a little angel for my grandma. I hope she likes it. :D I talked with some people in my art class about videogames and stuff, and I feel like a complete noob compared to them. I am a noob. :P

And. Yeah. It seems like all my post end like this nowadays.

Art and stuff.

Things have been boring. School is boring. The only excitement in my life right now is the contest I entered. DarlingMionette is holding a contest for her and her twins' birthday. (her twin and her's birthday? her twin and she's birthday? No, that looks wrong. I have no idea how you would say that. Oh well.) I entered these two:



Victorian Pirates by ~Dannygirl123 on deviantART


Twins- Brenna and Kylie by ~Dannygirl123 on deviantART


Yyyyep. I like the Victorian Steampunk girls better.  I really hope to win. :D Going shopping today, so I guess that's cool. I need some more jeans, you know, some that actually fit. Also a long, ruffley skirt. Kinda like this one:

NYAN CAT.

Not sure what to say. Been drawing like a madwoman. I'm pretty happy with my shiz. Except that now I've realized that the colors look different in the drawings depending on which of my laptops I see it with. >:( So that's poopie.

Um. Entered a drawing contest. I hope I win, or at least place.

School is kinda boring, I have to keep reminding myself that my priority there is to make friends. Which is a little twisted, but really important for me. It's sad to imagine myself living my life completely friendless. What would the point of life be then?

Midnight ramblings seem to be taking over this blog. hehe.

Also, this made me laugh.

Sigh... watching Law and Order.

Pissed, frustrated, full of pent-up anger. I don't know. Classes are okay. I'm just... fucking confused.

I'm slowly gaining weight. It's starting to get kinda bad. It all stems from boredom and loneliness. Goddamn.

Listening to this, at least this makes me happy.

YALALA ...

Today was the first day of school. Teacher was very cool. I  don't feel much like writing a lot, but I thought a little update was in order.

Um, I got a PS2 game in the mail today: GrimGrimoire. Also, I got two posters:

Hmm, what else? I've been drawing stuffsies. May do an art post later. Hrm, maybe. I already have some homework. >:(