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I have procrastinated on my art project, and now I have no idea what to do. The project is to show action and reaction. Like, a political cartoon, maybe, but it could be anything that shows action and reaction. BUT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. I was going to draw Jane Austen sitting at her desk with a bunch of female authors standing behind her, kind of symbolizing how Austen made it more mainstream to women to publish their work. But then I researched a bit more, and I realized that Jane Austen wasn't exactly viewed as anything more than "cute" until the 1940's. SO THERE GOES MY IDEA. I don't like Jane Austen anyway.

So I'm too ashamed to go to class today. Except I have to, for the grade. With any luck, some people will have theirs done and will critique, so I can get some ideas. :(

Whine whine whine, feel free to roll your eyes at me.

It's weird how much I've grown to hate my metal class. Not the people in it, nor the teacher, but the goddamned subject. Let's just say that if one of my past selves lived in the Medieval Period, he or she was not a metalworker by any means. Ugh ugh ugh, I'm already dreading my grade. And I can just picture my parent's reaction. A totally justified reaction, too, because they were the ones who paid for the class.

One of my worst qualities (which is kind of hard to admit) is that if something doesn't interest me, I don't care enough to do a good job on it. Take my SAT's, for example. My dad forced me to take it. I didn't want to take it, I thought it was kind of dumb. I didn't study for it until the night before the test, and I didn't sleep well that  night. Kind of explains why I failed so dismally.

I know that in the long run this stupid little class won't affect me much, but right now, it's annoying.

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I feel like I should write more than I have. I want to make it a habit to write every day, just like I make it a habit to draw everyday. On the days that I don't, I feel the effects of withdrawal. It would make it easier for me to actually finish a story for once. :/

Blergh. < That's my mood today. I really don't want to go to school today. Just a couple weeks left...

Random thoughts of the morning.

Hmm. Ren faire was really cool. I wouldn't mind going again in the spring, this time in a much better outfit.

Mom starts another round of chemo tomorrow, and today my dad is going out of town and isn't coming back til Friday. I feel like a huge coward for wanting him here. I feel like I should be able to take care of my mom myself, but I get scared sometimes. Whatever, he's gone now.

Daylight savings is obsolete. 

I feel like a big pile of shit today. I have since last night. I can't draw at all either, so that's not helping. I seem to be a big empty creative-less shell.

Listening to my Delerium cd- Chimaera :'D

I am trying to reboot my old laptop. Problem is, I don't have a recovery disk or even the instruction manual. That plus the fact that the shit isn't even turning on is driving me insane.

I am taking a small break from this and making myself the first hot chocolate of Autumn. :>

I love autumn. I used to be a summer kind of girl, but this year, not so much. And it's still raining and I love it. So, overall I am happy today.

Picture of me, the insane cat lady:

I didn't plan this outfit at all. Those are my old as dirt Hello Kitty pajamas I've had since I was probably eleven, and the shirt was the first one I pulled out of my closet. And Luna. <3

Justin Bieber couldn't have gotten a girl pregnant, his balls haven't dropped.

I really hate school sometimes. It's all a really big goddamn hassle. I just want a nice job that pays relatively well (not even well well, just something that pays enough). But no. I have to go to school and get a degree, because according to society, if I don't go to college I'm a failure.

...They're probably right. I'm such a lazy, cowardly piece of shit. I wish I had the balls to be my own hero. I'm too quiet, too shy, too fucking complacent, and, contradictorily, too restless and too much of a dreamer. I seriously don't know what to do with myself sometimes .

I want to go out there into the world, guns blazing, but I'm too scared. I really loathe the coward inside of myself. I'm in a constant state of discontent and waiting. I always seem to be waiting for something to happen instead of doing shit myself.

Ugh. I need some kind of personality transplant. I need a TON of growing and changing to do.  Why am I so goddamn lame? Is it genetic? Were my parents this shy and cowardly? I find that hard to believe. They both seem so tough.

Ffffffffuuuuuuuuuu- I think it's close to That Time again. -__- Okay, enough hating on myself. I'm going to watch Lost or something. Yeah.

Taking a break from homework.

I am not used to homework anymore. I swear on the entire Greek pantheon that I have been working on this goddamn piece since nine this morning. IT IS NOW ALMOST TEN HOURS LATER. AND I AM NOT CLOSE TO FINISHING. I AM ACTUALLY STUCK. Grrr, this thing is due on Monday.

Urgh, I'm obviously not going to do anything this weekend. Except I do have plans. :P Just for tomorrow afternoon, so I will probably definitely be working nonstop in the morning and all of Sunday, bloody Sunday. >:( Poopie.

And if that wasn't all, for some reason, when I actually have stuff like homework to get done, my brain decides to get all inspired to write. Seriously Muses, where the hell were you last week when I actually had nothing to do?!?! Not funny. Come back on Monday, when all this shit is over and done with.

After all the work I've been doing, this better be the Best Thing Ever Drawn By Me, or else.

Shit in my life that only meditation will help.

Had a lot of homework to do... I had to find 40 pictures of reference for my art project. We're supposed to design a monster. I am excited for this project. :D

Anyway, I've been doing research on Egypt. I love Egypt and everything to do with it, but I don't know if archaeology is what I'm interested in, exactly. Don't get me wrong, archaeology is awesome, but I wonder if it'd be one of those things that I would quickly lose interest in.

I need to do some serious serious soul-searching right now and think of what I want to do next semester. Should I just start on my boring-as-hell general ed classes? Should I keep doing art, but take four or five classes this time? Should I start on my epic journey towards becoming an egyptologist? Should I just give school the middle finger and get a job? Is the army still an option? I have a ton to choose from.

Mom's going to be starting another round of chemo on Monday. The doc says it'll be another six months of it. I don't even know what to say to that. I'm fucking tired of it, I cannot even begin to imagine what my mom's going through right now. I hate seeing her so down. It makes me want to punch things.

This post started shallow and took a dive into the deep end. I think I'm going to start meditating again.

Boring post is boring.

LOL didn't win the contest, oh well. Still working on art. Wow, that's a stupid, redundant update. I'm always working on art. Anyway. Yeah. I literally have nothing to say. Why is my life so painfully boring?

I've been watching too many kissing scenes...




God dammit, where's my love, hm? Why is the universe holding out on me?!?!?!


Gah, I should have learned by now that sleep deprivation makes me bitter toward my loveless life. :/

OwCramps

Today I am experiencing some of the worst cramps I've had in years. Complete with nausea. Oh my god, It's awful. I took Tylenol and nothing, so my mom gave me some stronger stuff, and it's only just taken the edge off.

I'm watching Labyrinth, though, so I'm okay.

Here's a pretty song that I love. <3

ded

50 question, 2 essays done, 1 essay to go. I don't know if I've just gotten lazy these past few months or what, but I AM SERIOUSLY SUFFERING. THIS IS A LOT OF ANALYZING AND WRITING!

*dies*

Torture

Literature Final is today. Why are tests so tedious?!?!?! I have fifty multiple choice questions to answer and three (!) essays to write.

Little adopted sisters!

My little cousins are here. Julieta is six (seven in July) and Melitza is nine. I love them so much, they're like my little sisters. They can get a little annoying at times, though. They're both question-askers and uncomfortable-truth-tellers. Like when Melitza points out that I have bad skin. *Sigh* I know she's just a kid, but I mean, what kind of answer is she expecting? "Oh, you're right! I do have an acne on my face! I hadn't noticed it for the past seven or eight years!" -__-


They are really sweet. though. They're both budding gamers, as they are currently addicted to playing Spyro the Dragon. I'm not trying to sound like a bitch or anything. I really do love them.