ART!

I forgot about the art I was supposed to post two days ago. Oh well, here you have it now!

a 

A little background on the first picture: I started writing this super-elaborate novel four years ago about a world I made up called Estradia. (It turned out to be too elaborate for a fourteen-year-old. ^^;) In Estradia, there are four kingdoms; Falias, Khet, Aithor, and Kanja. I was randomly sketching out this girl, who was just supposed to be a princess or something. My brain suddenly thought, This is the princess of Falias! and from there, I started thinking up her story. I may decide to write it all out some day. Maybe this summer, when all I have is time.

Anyway, I'm also kind of pissed today. My parents are so set on me going to university some day, and I don't know if I want that. I mean, why waste so much time and money if it's not even going to be good for anything in the long run? I don't want to be a "recent graduate drowning in debt and working at a job that doesn't pay enough to relieve the debt." I want to be the person with a decent enough job that I'm not going hungry and I can pay for a small apartment.

I really want to focus on my art and writing, though. That's my main goal in life, to be a really good artist/illustrator. And maybe write a few good books. I'm not looking to be rich or famous.

If high school is taking over all my time, leaving me with no downtime, imagine how shitty I'm going to feel when I'm trying to finish a ten-page essay or studying for finals. Art isn't just talent and a burst of inspiration. It takes time and effort. I have zero energy and time for those things, I'm so burned out from trying my hardest not to fail my high school classes.

The worst thing is that I'm never good at explaining these things to my parents, so I just sound like a lazy, whiny rebel who doesn't want to do anything in life. I don't plan on living with my parents forever. I will get a job, I will live on my own. I'm not going to be a burden on them.

Rant over. :) I really needed to get that out.

translations are funny

I used this website to transform this sentence:

Into this:

I have found my new addiction. That is all.

There will probably be an art post tomorrow!

THE GODS HAVE SMILED DOWN UPON ME

... I have a new scanner! It's not new new, but it works, unlike the piece of shit that my school provided me with. :/ So I shall once again grace the internet with my artwork! It's been, what, six months since my scanner decided to jam itself, and I have quite a few pieces accumulated. :D

It's been a boring day otherwise. Woke up at like ten in the morning (In my defense I still only got like seven hours of sleep regardless, which for me is definitely not enough... I'm a 9+ hours person). Did some art for art class, read some stuff for Lit, and I still have lots of stuff to read. I will probably be up until three again... story of my life.

Also, I stalked my favorite artist, Amanda Bussell, aka Shinga. Her webcomic, Head Trip, is what got me really into drawing comics. She's awesome.

The Sun and the Moon

Head Trip - Awkward Years

I aspire to be as awesome as her one day. lol. That sounded cheesy, but it's true. :p

Also, I have a little secret: You know those shows on SyFy about people messing in the supernatural, like Destination Truth or Ghost Hunters or Fact or Faked? I've always wanted to do stuff like that, make a living off investigating ghosts or hauntings or cryptids. Except that I would probably be scared shitless when I was actually out there investigating. Psh, watching it on TV is better anyway.

Doctor Who is awesome

Paulina's home. I'm so jealous of her right now. She showed me all of her pictures, and it looks like she had the time of her life. She did get me these earrings and bracelet, though:

My expression was odd because I was watching Doctor Who

School was okay. I have a lot of homework to do (seriously, when do I not have tons of homework to do?!)

Hm, I'm glad my sister's back. :)

The internet is just so shiny!

I may be addicted to the internet.

Yeah. Ever since I started online school in eleventh grade I've spent way too much time on the computer. Recently it's gotten to the point that I am neglecting school. It's bad.

I need an intervention. Or some will-power. -__-

(Oh. and I have my first follower. Hi follower!)

This is like my fourth post today lol

I looked back at my resolutions and realized that I have already tackled quite a few of them. Here they are, the finished ones are highlighted in blue.

• Walk to school as many days as possible.
• Read 50 books this year.
• Post on this blog as much as possible. (daily postings, baby!)
• Practice my Spanish and French. (I've been studying French aplenty, need to work on my Spanish)
• Get my driver's license, also, learn to drive properly.
• Start playing Final Fantasy XII again, and finish the game. (Very close to finishing it. Just need more time)
• Write a whole novel!
• Make new friends.
• Drink more tea instead of coffee.
• Paint and draw and perfect my art style. (been painting a little, not even close to how much I wanted to, but a little counts)
• Learn to play one song entirely on the piano. (Evanescence - Hello. One day I'll record myself playing it and singing to it.)
• Get a tattoo.
• Organize and clean my entire room, including my hazardous closet. (Done and done! My room is awesome.)

 So pretty much all of the scary and/or difficult ones are left. I will get to them eventually.

It's official, Disney movies make me cry

Watched Tangled, cried sporadically throughout, and ate chocolate ice cream with Nutella. Now I feel cranky and sick to my stomach.
PMS is a bitch. On the bright side at least I'm not feeling depressingly emo like earlier.
Also, I'm thinking of getting a livejournal and delete this blog. I don't know if it matters, though. No one reads this anyway. ;_;

I'm kind of in the mood to watch Snow White or something.

Tired of this

I have a theory that I pick up on other peoples emotions in very intense ways. In other words, I feel what those around me are feeling.

It's starting to get old. I'm tired of feeling so overwhelmed all the time. Why are people so negative? Sometimes it's so intense that I have to shutdown my own feelings and turn into this apathetic black hole.

I really don't want to go back there again. But it's hard with all the negativity and sorrow around me.

Listening to White Pearl, Black Oceans

It's been 2 weeks since I've seen or spoken to my sister. She's been having some serious fun from what I've heard. It's weird, I don't really miss her as in, constantly thinking about her, but when random funny or wtf-type things happen, I think, Ha, I wish Paulina was here, she would laugh with me! There are some things that no one would find funny but me and her. Not to mention that the house is oddly quiet without her.

Sister, Sister ( -__- I haven't seen that show in years )

Worked my butt off today. My mom is still feeling somewhat weak, better than yesterday, but still not great. I cleaned and organized my room, washed sheets, made beds, sanitized bathrooms, and just generally organized the house. All while listening to Sonata Arctica. <3
I feel satisfied, but of course, it all just means that I have neglected my homework. Yep, I do work even on Saturdays. ;_; Oh, shit, and I just remembered the 4 self-portraits that are due on Monday. I will probably be working tomorrow as well, even though it's Easter Sunday. Meh, it's not like we're going to do anything else.

Also, Camelot! I watched all four episodes last night. I love it! Even with all the boobs and naked butts. I'm not a prude by a long shot, but still. Every ten minutes BAM! boobs.

Just imagine them both naked

Still, it was an awesome show. Merlin (Joseph Fiennes) was very cool, as was Morgan (Eva Green). I can't wait till next Friday.

Sixteen days left until I'm 18. The thought is kind of scary. Adulthood. It's nothing but a number, really, if you think about it. I'm not going to change. And yet, to everyone else, 18 is a very significant birthday, it means I'm an adult. Just like that. Weird, right?

We're all scared of something...

Weird day. My mood was very bipolar.

I went out with my dad and grandparents to target and a secondhand bookstore. I bought five books and two awesome candlesticks all for under $20. Life was good.

Then we all come home and my mom (who has been really sick these past couple of days) was feeling nauseated.

A little fact about me: I'm ridiculously afraid of vomit and vomiting. Seriously, it's bad. Everything about it freaks me out to the point that I may faint; the sound, the smell, the sight. I've gotten better about it, but it used to be so bad I would close my eyes and cover my ears when someone puked on tv. I also used to sit all the way at the back of the movie theater because I was paranoid that someone would vomit behind me. Even though I have felt sick to my stomach before, I haven't vomited in more than ten years because I willed myself not to. Yeah, I did it out of sheer will power.

Back to what happened today: My mom was feeling nauseated. This didn't really scare me that much, because she's always nauseated after chemo, and she never vomits. Then she said that she had vomited while we were out. I felt a little lurch in my stomach, but I told myself, Be strong, damn it! But then my mom made a nobody-talk-to-me-I'm-trying-not-to-vomit face. So I rush out of there, feeling like a complete wuss.

A minute later I feel like a bitch for not being there comforting my mom. So I grit my teeth and walk back in her room, pretending that nothing's wrong. Then I see her hugging a trash can and my dad and grandma looking concerned. Mother has just vomited. There is vomit in my presence.

Head starts spinning. Stomach lurching. I'm kind of frozen. I hear my mom explaining to my grandma that I am scared of vomiting. Grandma tries to comfort me by saying that there was no food, it was all liquid and therefore it doesn't smell. Brain yells, WTF STOMACH ACID?!?!?!? I run the fuck out of there while hyperventilating. I nearly faint on the stairs. Stumble into the backyard.

I sat down next to the house and tried to control my hyperventilation. Once I felt better, I started crying. I felt ridiculous and ashamed. I completely understood that it was dumb, that my fear was totally irrational. Why did I react so badly when it came to such a stupid thing?

After a while, I calmed down enough to go back inside. To my slight annoyance, no one even noticed I had been outside for half an hour. Whatever.

 After a while I cheered up. Still a little bit annoyed at my wussiness, but still. I'm happy and excited because there's going to be a Camelot marathon starting in ten minutes. I'll be up all night. Yay!

Weiner at Costco

I was with my mom at Costco. When she was paying, the cashier looked at the picture on her card and then looked back at her, and then back at the card. Then he turned back to her and said something like "Wow, you don't look anything like your picture!"
.
.
.
What the fuck. Of course she doesn't look like her picture you dick, it was taken before she got sick! Ugh, I was so mad!!!!!
*deep breath*

I understand that the cashier didn't know or whatever, but damn. Damn. Good thing my mom took it well, or else I would have yelled at him right then and there. I was thisclose to saying something. I guess it's a good thing I didn't. I'm glad I didn't cry either.

My mom's cancer hit me hard, no matter what kind of facade I portray.

Ugh

I hate it when I let myself worry about shit that hasn't even happened. One minute I'm fine, and the next I feel like I'm never going to do anything with my life. I'll be a complete failure.

I'm going to live with my parents forever, I'm going to end up a fat spinster with a hundred cats. *sigh*

Why do I worry about this stuff? Every time I tell my mom about these thoughts I have, instead of making me feel better, she tells me to stop being ridiculous. And she's right, damn it.

The future scares the hell out of me. I'm scared of everything. School, future jobs, driving, future boyfriends, making friends. I'm not even exaggerating. I'm fucking scared of everything.

I'm weirdly dizzy right now, I hope that's the reason I'm in such a pessimistic mood. -__-

Toy Story 3

I watched Toy Story 3 yesterday. It kind of went like this:

So long, partner. *tear*

Devoirs

I could be getting ahead on my French homework, but a nap sounds even better. Damn, I've been really sleepy this past week. It must be the pulsating pain I feel in my jaw-and-temple area. I'm going to get stomach ulcers from all the ibuprofen I've been popping lately.

I want to go to Disneyland. Like, NOW. Also, Harry Potter land or whatever it's called in Orlando... *dies* Also, Comic Con, but of course, it's already sold out this year. D: Maybe next year.

French, then? Or nap? *siiiigh* *goes off to browse internet instead*

It feels like I've been walking through oatmeal all day. I'm all slow and sluggish. I did some French homework, I would like to do a lot more tomorrow.
I'm hoping this lethargy will pass soon, I haven't even taken Vicodin today. I'm still sore and swollen. This is kind of getting old.
Watched Repo! the Genetic Opera as well. Paris Hilton can't sing worth a damn, but Sarah Brightman was awesome as Blind Mag.

I used to dream these really vivid and awesome dreams. What happened to that? I guess it's good in a way, because I would have cried at the fact that I wouldn't have time to write them or draw them out. But I really hope that this summer and next school year are replete with these dreams.

Wow, I'm really jumping around from subject to subject. :/ Should probably go to sleep. *checks time: 8 o'clock* Ugh, maybe after I watch a movie or something. Yeah. I'll watch Agora.

Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones premieres tonight. I have high hopes for this show!
We'll see how it goes. :D

Edit:

Holy shit! CLIFFHANGER! I loved it! Even with all the nudity. Like like like. (Sorry about the incoherancy, I'm doped up on Vicodin.) Whee. Will watch again, definitely.

Comic idea

I have an idea for a comic. Er... for my Harry Potter fanfic. Like a little snippet of my writing made into comic form.
Yeah. Cause it's awesome.
It's not completely done yet, but it's awesome.
Just kidding.

Hehe, am watching 90's SNLs. Funny.

I want my hair to be this long:

Perhaps even longer.

Sleepy

I want to write today... but the Vicodin is making me sleepy and slow, so... yeah. Brain turning into mush.

Am watching Riverworld on SyFy channel (used to be Sci Fi, what happened to that?) But yeah, will probably sleep for a bit. Sleep is nice.

Evanescence lullaby

Chipmunk Face

So far, Chipmunk Face Day has not been too bad. I am quite a bit rounder than usual, but I haven't gotten to this point yet:

 

Grandparents are here today. I will be sleeping in my parents room today. I'm not complaining though. My grandparents are cool. 

Ha, I've been reading a lot, but nothing them from my list. I should have known I wouldn't stick to it. Whatever, at least I'm reading, right? (For the record, I'm reading: Hold me closer, necromancer by Lish Mcbride; A great and terrible beauty by Libba Bray; A fistful of sky by er... someone. Will check author later.)

Listening to this:




I am dying to write. Thing is, I always bounce around from story to story, never getting a single one done. I am ADD when it comes to certain things. :/

I'm also feeling vaguely like this today:

I'm super hungry. I don't want more soup!!!!!! I want chips and lasagna and cookies. I guess I'll go have some chocolate pudding.

So, now that I'm not loopy from the anesthesia, I can recount my wisdom tooth removal experience.

Went down to the dentist/surgeon place at 8:45 AM or so. They called me in and sat me down on a scary chair in a scary room. At least the dental assistants were nice. Still, I was trembling like hell.

They attached some wire thingies on my chest and stomach to monitor my vital signs.They tilted the chair back  and placed an oxygen mask/nose cover thing on my face . Then the doc came in and went straight to my arm. I'm not exactly fond of needles, so I was taking deep breaths and such, but I didn't feel much of a pinch. More like a whisper of a pinch. Ha. Anyway, I remember the doc was asking me questions about school and stuff. Then the room started to go all fuzzy and wavy, but in an awesome kind of way.

Suddenly, BAM. I'm sitting up in the chair, mega sleepy, mouth full gauze that feels like it's just been unceremoniously shoved in. I'm all alone except for a nice dental assistant lady. I was thinking, WTF. What happened? Lady says, "You're done!" and I'm like, Whoaaaaa... She helped me to the car, cause I felt like I've taken both Dramamine and tequila in large quantities. I'm in the car, loopy as David after the dentist, and that's when shit got weird.

I look at my mom, tears in my eyes, and say something like, "Mom... I want want waaaater..." while kind of stupidly clawing at my mouth in utter desperation. For some reason, my thirst seemed like the saddest thing in the world. Don't much remember anything from this point to when I get home.

I took off the gauze as soon as my mother allowed it. I dumped myself on my mom's bed, while sucking on an ice cube, then I blurted out, "What am I gonna do with my life?" And then I start crying. This didn't end when the sleepiness wore off, either. I was in a vulnerable state of mind all day for some odd, inexplicable reason.

Yep, that's what happened. And tomorrow is Chipmunk Face Day. Cannot wait for that.  -__-

numb...

Holy shit...

Wisdom teeth are now out of my head. Half my face is numb. Am bleeding and drooling like a motherfucker.

In pain... so much pain...

Tried to swallow a pain pill and coughed until my face was throbbing. *sighhhhh*

I'm going to try to get some sleep.

LOL MIDNIGHT

WEBCAM WHORE!!!11

So, appointment for the removal of teeth is in less than eight hours. I should get some sleep.

I did CRAPLOADS of work today... I feel oddly satisfied... until I remember the craploads I have yet to do. Endless torture, endless I say!

When I grow up I want to live off my WILDLY SUCCESSFUL novels. Yet now, with school, I cant even write. Fuck, I can't even read anything besides school shiz. No art for me.

WE ARE FAMISHED! YES! FAMISHED, WE ARE, PRECIOUS!

Ahem. I'll get some sleep now.

...no crunchable birdses...

Soundtrack of my life

I saw this on someone's LiveJournal and thought I'd do it for fun. It took me all day to put this together. o_o I have no life.

If my life was a movie, this would be the soundtrack:

OPENING CREDITS: Sonata Arctica  - Everything Fades to Gray (instrumental version)
CAR DRIVING SCENES: Imogen Heap – Speeding Cars
HIGH SCHOOL FLASHBACK SCENE: Moby - Pale Horses
NOSTALGIC SCENES: Cat Power - The Greatest
BITTER/ANGER SCENES: Linkin Park - Bleed it Out
MAD AT FRIENDS SCENES: Regina Spektor - Apres Moi
BREAKUP SCENES: Regina Spektor - Real Love (John Lennon cover)
NIGHTCLUB/BAR SCENES: Evanescence - Going Under
FIGHT/ACTION SCENES: Metallica - Wherever I May Roam (ha, totally random.)
SAD/BREAKDOWN SCENES: CocoRosie - Werewolf
SCARY SCENES: Alison Krauss - Trampled Rose (playing in the background like in “The Strangers”)
DEATH SCENES: Evanescence - Hello
FUNERAL SCENES: Delerium - Fallen
CHEER UP SCENES: Polyphonic Spree - Lithium
MELLOW SCENES: Bat for Lashes - Daniel
DREAM ABOUT SOMEONE SCENES: Dead Can Dance - Host of the Seraphim
SEX SCENES: Radiohead - Creep (It's a bit of an odd choice, but I think it fits perfectly)
PONDER/CONTEMPLATION SCENES: Marianne Faithfull – As Tears Go By
CHASE/HURRY SCENES: Florence + the Machine - Howl
HAPPY LOVE SCENES: U2  - Electrical Storm
HAPPY FRIENDS SCENES: Metallica – Nothing Else Matters
CLOSING CREDITS: Sonata Arctica – White Pearl, Black Oceans

I'm still not 100% satisfied with this, but it'll do.

Tomorrow is Wisdom Teeth Removal Day. D: I just hope it goes smoothly. *bites nails nervously*

House M.D. and stuff

Re-did my room today. Moved furniture around and organized my closet and drawers. I came to the conclusion that I have way too much stuff. Mountains of shit. Which is weird, because I donate stuff to Goodwill a lot. Although, now that I think of it, I am a huge pack rat, so I guess it's not much of a mystery. -__-

I also skipped art class. Hopefully for the last time, but I really really needed to catch up on my Econ and Lit classes. I feel guilty, though. Just a little bit.

Mom's gone out to get my antibiotics and Vicodin. Also, groceries. But Vicodiiiiin!!!

House knows what he's talking about.

Can't waste too much time, though. I don't want to have skipped class for nothing.

Oh, yeah, I have a blog here...

I really would like to increase the quantity of posts in my blog. I miss the days when I was younger and I would write in my journal almost daily. I'd like to write daily. Of course, I'll have to choose quantity over quality, but that's okay. I'd like this to be like my journals of old. Hopefully with less angst. Ha.

Anyway, a little recap on what's been going on. I'm still pushing through these last few months of school, mom's still going through chemo (she still has her hair), dad's working hard, and Paulina is off on some Mexican beach right now, the lucky wench. Her friend Juliette invited her to go to Los Barriles in Baja California Sur for two weeks. *Envy*

And on Friday I'm going to get my wisdom teeth taken out. ALL FOUR OF THEM. I'm going to be puffy and in pain. I won't be able to eat anything solid. The only bright side I see to this is the Vicodin the doc prescribed. Hee, I'm going to milk that for all it's worth. Just kidding, kind of...

You know, I've been going through a kind of goth/metal/geeky/anime phase. Hard to describe and it's not really a phase, it's just, I don't know, something. I've been wearing black more often, you will not see me without my black lace-up army boots (army? combat? know what I mean?), red lips, dark eyes. And not just the clothing, I've gotten into anime and stuff. I watched all 24 episodes of Clannad in two sleepless nights. I've always been into vampires, so that's not new, but I have a whole list of vampire movies to watch and books to read. Also, music! Evanescence is nothing new, but Tool, Apocalyptica, Nightwish, Delerium, all new. I liiiike! :)

Also, what would a blog post be without my whining about school? WHY WONT IT END ALREADY??