YALALA ...

Today was the first day of school. Teacher was very cool. I  don't feel much like writing a lot, but I thought a little update was in order.

Um, I got a PS2 game in the mail today: GrimGrimoire. Also, I got two posters:

Hmm, what else? I've been drawing stuffsies. May do an art post later. Hrm, maybe. I already have some homework. >:(

My sister is kind of an idiot... and I mean it in the nicest way possible

Convo with my sister, just so I don't forget, also cause it's damn funny.

Me: "I never did that! I swear!" (Don't know what I was swearing about)

Pau: "Who do you swear to?"

Me: "Jesus, Buddha, Confucius--"

Pau (completely serious): "And the atheist gods?"

Me: "..."


And ten minutes later, she still thought atheists had gods. I had to explain it to her. *disappointed shake of the head*

Listening to Within Temptation - The Howling

I went driving with my dad today. Plenty of driving. I'm not so scared of it anymore. I used to have, like, mini panic attacks every time I sat in the driver's seat. Of course, I still avoid the highways and I still have slight issued with full parking lots, but I am so much more at ease. :D I'm so brave, you guys!!1!!1

MY DREAMS ARE TORTURING ME WITH AWESOMENESS. I was a zombie slayer last night. Yeeah, I had a very cool rifle, and I shot those motherfuckers down! I was on some creepy island, Lost-esque, and I was all cool and in control. There were some other people with me, and they all listened to me like I was the leader. "Don't worry, we'll get through this night."
...Shut up, it was a good dream. The bad thing about those dreams is that I wake up and think, shit, why can't I really be like that?

But whatevs. I'm eating a baby bottle pop. And I'm wearing a temporary tattoo.

Sad about closing bookstores, but happy at 25 to 50 percent off!

I went to Borders today. I'm kinda bummed that they're closing, but I got some books there for a really good price!

Thirst series by Christopher Pike, one of my favorite authors. All three for about seven dollars.

Aaaand, this little gem. When I draw, the poses are so stiff, so I'm hoping this will help me. Draw Comic Book Action

I'm currently reading this: (omg creeper)

I'm on a total vampire craze for some reason. Also, in case it's not obvious, I'm wearing my PE shirt from middle school. As jammies.

Obligatory camwhore shot:

Lol I totally ignored this list of books I was planning to read this year.

Hmmm, what happened to my old Monster Book of Manga? I swear it was around here somewhere...

I felt like I needed to update. I don't know why. Nothing much has happened. I've done a bit of art, I posted some videos on my youtube. Hehe, they're a little weird and awkward, but, you know, whatever. ;)

The night after my last post (about the army thing) I cried myself to sleep after wondering what's the point of it all? Life, I mean. Well, I know it sounds kinda stupid now, but insomnia is a bitch. I'm okay now, except for when I have nothing to do, then I'm just depressed.

But I still feel antsy. Like I have to get up and get out. Why am I so afraid of change?

I really do hate myself sometimes. Ah well. I'm going to watch Chobits on Netflix now. And maybe eat my feelings. Just kidding.

Aaaand, to make this post not boring, here's that art thing I made. :) I'm actually kind of proud of it!

In completely unrelated news, I dreamed of Lost last night

I am so conflicted right now. I don't even know where to start or what the root of my conflicted feelings are.

Okay, first things first.

I told my mom I was thinking of maybe joining the army. I said it very much expecting her to say something like "Don't be silly." But no, she completely took me by surprise and told me that she too had once thought about joining the army. o.o Okay, to me, my parents seemed kind of against joining the army. My whole life, I had gotten that vibe from them. So I was kind of shocked. And happy that she understood why I wanted to join.

Then there's my dad. Oh, god. He's really not into that. When I first told him, he was all "What? Since when did you want to join? What is it you want from the army?" I shocked him that time. I get why. I've always been the quiet, bookish type. Shy, and stay-at-home kinda girl.

That's just it, though. I really hate of living the rest of my life without a little adventure. I want to have a story to tell my grandkids, a life worth remembering. I want to make an impact, a difference. I'm aware it makes me sound like a glory-loving fool, but I'm serious. I don't like what my life is like right now.

Here's where the complication comes in. Living the life I want doesn't necessarily have to involve joining the army. It could be traveling the world, or becoming a paranormal investigator, or maybe an archaeologist. I'm dead fucking serious. I could join a band of gypsies and spend my life reading people's fortunes. I just need to do something. I'm going insane in this tiny life. I want something big and radically different than what I'm used to. So, yeah, I have a lot of options.

I feel that joining the army is best, though. Not only is it big and different, but it'll make me strong, physically and mentally. I really want that. I feel like if I don't join, I'll regret it in the future. The army to me means camaraderie and new found courage, two things I lack horribly.

HOWEVER. I'm also terrified of changing my life. Doing something new will take a lot of courage. Yep, I'm borderline agoraphobic. Something needs to push me towards change. (God, I'm terrified of what'll happen now that that's gotten out into the open. Last time I wished for something life-changing to happen to me, my mom got cancer. So, universe, God, whomever is out there, JUST DON'T BE A DICK ABOUT IT. kthx.)

Gahhhhh, bored.

Wow, I'm bored. D: Not even the internet is entertaining today. :( It's always the same things I click. Youtube, email, Facebook, deviantArt, over and over and OVER again. I occasionally throw in Amazon and add more shit to my wishlist. I just have nothing else to do really. I'm having a bit of an art block-ish thing. Maybe I'm just lazy and I don't want to do anything. Maybe it's the fact that I started my period. Whoa, actually, that would explain a lot. -__-